5 Times Winona Kirk Broke Her Son’s Heart
by shaolin103
Summary: ...And the One Time He Broke Hers. Sorry. Title won't fit. Lol. Summary: It was never too late to be a mom to the son whose heart she had broken countless of times.


Title: Five Times Winona Kirk Broke Her Son's Heart and the One Time He Broke Hers  
Fandom: Star Trek (2009)  
Summary: It was never too late to be a mom to the son whose heart she had broken countless of times.  
Pairing/Characters: Jim Kirk, Winona Kirk  
Spoilers: Movie.  
Warning: Unbetaed, so mistakes are solely mine.  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Not mine. They belong to whoever owns them.  
A/N: Yep, it's a Mother's Day fic. A bit angsty then a bit sappy. I feel like I should put that under _warning_.

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Five Times Winona Kirk Broke Her Son's Heart and the One Time He Broke Hers

1st time:

George was gone.

Dead.

Rammed a ship against another's hull and blew himself up. There's a newborn child in her arms and she had no idea what to do. Her husband sacrificed his life so she and their child could live; saving over eight hundred more lives in the process. Yet to her that didn't seem to make sense. Because he's gone and she preferred her life ended, too. And when Baby Jimmy cried for her, she handed him to one of the medical assistants then turned her back on the basinet that held her son even if she could feel the baby's heart breaking when he cried much harder.

2nd time.

Jim was four. All blonde hair and endless pools of blue-eyes. So much like his father. So much like the man she had lost.

"Momma, don't go." He pleaded as he clutched onto her leg.

"Momma has to go, Jimmy." She told the sobbing child

_Momma has to go up in space to feel much closer to Daddy. Because staying down here and seeing so much of him in you isn't really enough. And looking at you seems to hurt Momma even more. _

She knew that sounded selfish that's why she would never say that out loud. But at the young age of four Jim was very perceptive, she didn't have to look down at her child's eyes to realize that Jim knew exactly why Momma was leaving.

"I'm sorry, Momma." And she didn't have to be as perceptive as Jim to realize what Jim was sorry to Momma for.

And in those words and the tight sob that followed Momma had broken little Jim's heart once again.

3rd time:

His son had driven a car off a cliff and had almost landed himself in juvie. It had taken a week before Winona found out of the incident because her ship had been out of range for the same amount of time. And it had taken her another three days to get back to Earth.

She was expecting a defiant child ready to lash out at her. She didn't expect her youngest to run towards her with tears streaking his cheeks asking her to bring Sam home. To just please find his brother and bring him home.

It was then that Jim sobbed harder as he realized from the stricken look on Winona's face that she didn't even know her eldest had ran away.

It seemed she wasn't just good at breaking her youngest boy's heart. She was good at breaking both.

4th time

It's the middle of the night and she still was puttering around the house, cleaning up after Frank and his poker buddies who just went home not more than a few minutes ago.

The comm buzzed and she wondered to herself who was calling this time of night. She stifled a yawn and ignored the shaking of her hands as she wiped them clean. She was getting too old for this.

She turned on her video screen to find Jim on the other end, wearing a solemn look on his face.

"Hi mom." Jim said with a soft smile that made her heart ache.

"Hi, Jimmy. Everything okay?" They haven't talked in months. The last time she heard from him he was in a detention cell, looking battered and bruised from yet another bar brawl.

Her boy was looking battered and bruised now, too but compared to last time, he was looking less troubled and forlorn.

"Everything's okay, mom. You wanna guess where I am?" Jim said, slightly anxious and nervous.

"It's the middle of the night, honey. I really am in no mood for guessing games." She replied, making Jim winced. Instead of trying to alleviate Jim's unease she had made him more skittish.

_Such a nice way to greet your son after not seeing him for months. _The ever-present voice in her head cut in sarcastically.

"Uhm..." Jim started and Winona can tell he was fidgeting. "I'm in San Francisco, mom."

Winona stirred at the reply. "Why are you in San Francisco, Jim?" she asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Jim knew she hated that place, hated what it represented, hated what was there.

"Please, mom. You gotta understand." Jim begged. Winona had to close her eyes and heaved a frustrated sigh. His youngest had always been fascinated with what was out there. An interest Winona had for a long time tried to thwart. But Jim was a Kirk, and had inherited his love of the great beyond from both his mother and father.

"What are you trying to tell me, James?" She had used his first name. A large indication that Jim was in trouble and that Winona knew what this call was all about.

"I've enlisted in Starfleet, mom." Came the timid reply. James T. Kirk wasn't by all means timid. But when it came to her, he had always been afraid.

Afraid to disappoint.

And it seemed he was doing that right at this moment.

"James Tiberius Kirk. I demand you drop out of that place right now."

"I'm not a kid anymore, mom." Jim replied, defiant. "I can handle space. I want to do this. I'm tired of dead end jobs. I'm tired of my old life. This is something I know I'll be good at. Please, let me do this." Jim pleaded, earnestly.

"You're going to do this whether or not I disapprove." It was a statement not a question. "What else do you want from me?" Her tone was stern and above all disappointed.

"I want you to be happy for me. I finally have something to do with my life. You always told me to find something meaningful to do with my life and I'm taking heed." Jim said, hopeful.

"If you're asking for my blessing to send yourself out there to your death, then you are sadly mistaken."

"You're breaking my heart, mom." Jim replied sadly, eyes downcast.

And Winona was reminded of the many times she's broken his youngest son's heart. She wanted to give him this. To give him her blessing. She wanted to tell him that it was fine. She had been breaking his heart for the longest time, and she didn't want to do that anymore.

She hung up on him instead.

5th time:

It was Jim's shocked face that greeted her on the other end of the video call.

"Mom?" Jim stared at the video screen, confused as hell.

"Are you happy now, Jimmy?"

"What are you talking about mom?"

"It's all over the news." She replied with an air of disappointment. "James T. Kirk saving the universe from the Romulan ship that had destroyed the Kelvin and killed his father twenty five years ago." She announced. "Are you happy now that you've taken revenge? How many times did you almost die up there just to be all heroic?" She asked, anger all too evident in her tone.

"Mom, please don't do this." Jim said, shoulders slumping. "We haven't talked in three years. It never was about the revenge, mom. Sure at first, when I saw that crazed Romulan all I could think about was he was the reason I grew up with no father. He was the reason my life had been a constant disappointment. And that most of all, he was the reason you were unhappy. And because of that it made me want to hurt him some more. But all that took a back seat when I realized he was going to kill more people if I didn't do anything."

"Like the way you and I took a back seat when your father decided he could save more people if he rammed his ship into another ship."

"Those people he saved included us. Dad was a hero."

"And you think trying to get yourself killed like he did would make you a hero, too?" She knew she sounded spiteful and bitter but if this was what it took to make her son realize that she wasn't impressed with him trying to kill himself out there for whatever reason, so be it.

"No, mom." Jim sounded frustrated. "But I'll tell you one thing. Dad and I were probably thinking the same thing when we decided to risk our lives. We thought, that if we crashed this ship or jumped off this ledge then maybe, just maybe, we could save the people we love. And it worked didn't it mom. Both times. 'Cause you're still here."

"Well, no one asked George or you to do that for me."

"You're not supposed to ask the people who love you to do anything for you. They'd do it because they want to or need to." Jim replied softly, tears in his eyes.

_How many tears rolling down your son's cheeks would it take for you to realize that he just wants you to be proud of him?_

This time, it was Jim that hung up on her.

One time:

It's another three years later and Winona found herself staring out of her kitchen window, watching the stars fade into the night sky. Part of her wanted to go back up there to see what it's like after all these years. Part of her wished the stars out there didn't take so much away from her. But she can't really blame the stars, can she? It wasn't the stars that had taken her husband away. Most of all, it wasn't the stars that yanked her away from her children. It was her that pulled away.

She sighed softly. She's another year older today and it had exactly been a year ago when she decided she needed a change. Nothing like getting older to make one realize that she had to turn her life around. Nothing like getting older to realize, that one is never too old to make amends.

And so she did.

Starting off with kicking that good for nothing replacement of a husband, out of her house. And doing it in front of his poker buddies, made it much sweeter.

She smiled softly as she turned to the comm held in her hand. She had just finished talking to Sam, delighted that she and her eldest son were back on speaking terms. Delighted even more that she found him after all these years and happy to have found out that she had grandchildren. Excited at the prospect of them visiting for Christmas.

Jim would be so happy. She had found Sam.

_Although it had taken you more than ten years to find him. But yeah, sure. Jim would be happy. _And there's that voice in her head once again.

But alas, Jim didn't know.

_That's because you're too scared to pick up a PADD and send a transmission to him up there. _Winona tried hard to shut that nagging voice up but found it useless. You cannot escape from yourself.

Winona didn't even have to pick up a PADD, not even a comm device. All she needed was a shuttle to San Francisco and she'd be seeing Jim face to face. The Enterprise had shore leave on Earth for the next two months.

_I bet you'd rather pick up a PADD than go meet him. Either way you're just scared._

And she was.

The sound of the doorbell snapped her out of her chaotic thoughts, giving her great reprieve from getting lost in a sea of guilty conscience. Again.

"Coming." She called out as the bell rang for the second time.

She was expecting one of her neighbors (yes, she's been getting involved with the community, too) here to greet her, a happy birthday. If the mounds of homemade birthday cake in her refrigeration unit were any indication, she'd been active in the community the whole year round.

She opened her door to find Jimmy instead, wearing a shy smile and carrying a bouquet of roses.

"You know, you look exactly like your father when one night I came to find he bought a classic car instead of a hovervan because Sam, who was three years old back then, convinced him that an old battered corvette was cooler." She told Jim with a fond smile. Belatedly realizing that it was the first time she had compared Jim to his father without her heart aching with loss but instead, found it warming up with sweet memories.

And just like that, Jim's shy smile turned into a big grin but it was Winona who rushed towards him to give him a big hug.

"Happy birthday, momma." Jim's voice broke with too many emotions. And Winona, touched by her son's unconditional love felt her heart break in turn. She never knew her heart could ache in such a good way. A heart clenching at the thought of having someone love you more than you deserved.

And from that moment on, Winona made a vow to herself. It was never too late to be a mom to the son whose heart she had broken countless of times. She vowed to do everything in her power to make it up to her son and make it up she damn will. Even if it took her a lifetime.

She started with saying the words, "I love you, Jimmy and I am very proud of you." And embraced the much taller boy (man) in her arms, her heart soaring with joy at the resounding sob of relief she got in reply.

Little did she know, that in those words of reassurance, she was piecing Jim's broken heart back together.

The End.

Told you it'd be sappy. Thanks for reading, though.

A/N: To the Moms out there reading this. Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for the lifetime of hard work and unconditional love.


End file.
